In the words of 44-year-old Mercy Kwemde, she “got married out of social expectations, whereby women are expected to get married to earn respect and bear children.”
However, after 13 years of marriage and a full realisation that she could never be able to give birth due to an abortion that went wrong earlier in her life. To make matters worse, she also found out that her husband, Jacob Kwemde is impotent.
They had both lived in Awe Local Government Area of Nasarawa but the herdsmen crisis of 2017 pushed them to settle in Shabu, a suburb town in Lafia, where they engaged in farming and petty businesses to survive.
Both partners who are committed members of the Catholic Church met in Akwanga 15 years ago during a church crusade where the relationship started and later progressed into marriage.
The Nation gathered that throughout their period of courtship, both agreed not have sex until after wedding.
Neither of them came clean on their fertility status.
This dishonesty ultimately led to the frustration, which made them commit the crime that has now left them disgraced and at the mercy of the law.
Wednesday, 18th March 2020 will forever remain fresh in their minds. It was a sad and shameful day for them as they were arrested by security agencies for stealing a two-year-old baby.
When our correspondent visited the premises of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps, NSCDC, where they were detained. Both were looking sad and it was initially difficult to get them to talk.
First to break the silence was Mercy, who said, “My husband was the first to suggest during our courtship that we should not have sex until he had paid my dowry. I never knew he was deliberately avoiding sex to hide his impotency. I was however sad, when after our wedding, he still was not performing his duty as a husband at night. Any time I confronted him over the issue, he gave me one excuse or the other and we continued like that for 13 years.
“After about a year into our marriage, I came to the realisation that he must be impotent. There is no complete man on earth who will spend one year with a woman on the same bed and not make overtures or have sex with her, let alone his wife.
“On many occasions, I made attempts to make love to him by playing or romancing him at night, but there were no sign of his manhood coming alive.
“I became depressed. Most nights, I cried and cried because I didn’t know what to do. Right inside me, I also knew I didn’t have the capacity to conceive – even if my husband was a complete man, because I had no womb. I had no choice but to accept advances from men outside to satisfy myself sexually.” She said
“Any time I saw couples wed and later give birth, it brought joy to my heart but once it dawned on me that such will never happen to me, tears rolled down my eyes. The joy of every family is to bear children.
“Early this year, I woke up one morning and summoned my husband to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.
“He saw the glare in my eyes and accepted that he was impotent. He said he grew up to discover that he was an impotent man.”
“At that point,” she said “I equally revealed to him that since he had told me the truth, I would also tell him the truth about myself. I told him that my womb had been damaged and that even if he was man enough, it would never have been possible for me to take-in for him.
“I then suggested to him two options, since we were tired of answering questions about not getting pregnant from people. We agreed to adopt a child and relocate to another area to create an impression that the baby belonged to us biologically. He gladly accepted.
“We applied immediately at Nasarawa State Social Welfare Department, but it was not forthcoming.
“I used to go to Kolo market in Kardoko to buy yam; at a point, I became a regular customer to one of the women. One fateful day, I went to patronise her. While I was in her shop, she left me with her two-year-old baby to go and monitor how the vehicle was offloading her yam. I immediately left with the baby. By the time she returned to her shop two hours later, I had gone far.
“We (my husband and I) immediately left to a village called Katanga in Akwanga Local Government Area of the state. We settled there to raise the baby. However, luck ran out on us and we were caught after a thorough search by security personnel.
“My womb was damaged by a quack doctor. I was pushed by the desire to have a child. I regret this desperation and I am pleading for forgiveness,” she said.
She said her frustration started a long time ago when a former boyfriend she loved dearly called of the relationship because she wasn’t getting pregnant.
“He had divorced his wife for not being able to bear him children after 11 years of marriage. During this period, we were meeting regularly and having unprotected sex. When I did not get pregnant after about three years, we started looking for medical solution to no avail.
“Because he loved me so much, he spent lot money looking for medical solution – until a doctor revealed to me that I would not be able to get pregnant because my womb had been damaged.
“The doctor narrated to us that during a previous abortion, there was a complication which damaged my womb and there was nothing anybody could do. After the failed medical efforts, we decided to seek spiritual solution. We visited many herbalists to no avail. He got tired and left me.” she said
“When I met Jacob, he showed me love and I reciprocated. When he proposed to get married to me, I quickly obliged him. I could not tell him my secret because I didn’t want to lose him.” She said.
‘Our dishonesty to each other led us to this mess’
Narrating his side of the story, her husband, Jacob, who equally pleaded guilty, admitted that he is impotent and that the desperation to have a child led him into accepting his wife’s evil plan.
He said both of them were insincere with each other from day one. “We both lied to each other, which led us to this mess. It was the desperation to have a child that led us into this devilish plan.”
Jacob also pleaded for forgiveness and asked the security men to have a re-think by looking at their history and predicament.
signaturetv.org/The Nation
